Of Mosquitos and Men

Mosquitos and men; two vastly different creatures. Yet I find there are more than a few commonalities between them. I came to this realization one night last week when I made the mistake of neglecting my earplugs. I have grown accustomed to wearing them to bed so I do not wake up to the sound of cranky children. Also, when sleeping in such small quarters it is beneficial to create a soundless bubble for oneself.

Anyways, on this particular night I found myself alone in a quiet house, so the soundless bubble was already in place. I am slowly drifting off to sleep when suddenly the unmistakable sound of a hungry mosquito jolts me back to consciousness...

Now this is not the first time my roommate and I have been tormented by sneaky Italian mosquitos. I often wake up with welts on my arms, hands or legs. I am of the opinion that they have a club house somewhere above our closet, and only come out at night when the coast is clear. Much like the typical Italian man, these mosquitos attack you only at the most inconvenient times.

These Italian Super-bugs, like men, are hungry for exposed flesh, and if you look them in the eye it is an open invitation to be violated. Also, they strive to find you at your most vulnerable moment. In this case, sleeping with exposed legs and arms. To make matters worse, nights can be very hot sometimes. One has to make the choice between being uncomfortably hot, covered in blankets and protected, or cool and conformable but very exposed to an attack. I also believe that because I am not Italian, my blood must be a novelty for them. Blonde-haired, blue-eyed girls are a delicacy not just for the male population, but also the Super-bug.

On this particular night, I was not about to let myself be feasted upon, because sometimes you are just NOT in the mood! I quickly turned on my bedside light and threw on my glasses to try and detect the invader. For several minutes I surveyed the room and found nothing, because the Super-bug is shrewd and skilled. I then thought I saw a bug-like speck on the ceiling, which of course I could not reach because Italians like to build upward. I used my pillow and started wildly throwing it at the ceiling, trying to displace the Super-bug. Eventually I realized it actually was just a harmless speck of unknown origin, and gave up. Meanwhile, the Super-bug was formulating a counter-attack...

At this point it was growing late, and I decided to just go to sleep and hope for the best. Of course, as soon as I turned out the light, the Super-bug launched his attack. I sprang out of bed again and by the time the lights were back on, he had disappeared. This time I decided to use myself as bait and waited for him to come to me. I tried all of the usual strategies...I flirted with other bugs and pretended I didn't care if he came back or not. I seductively rubbed my neck, flipped my hair and threw my pheromones around a bit. As predicted, the Super-bug couldn't stand it and came out of hiding. This time I was ready and pinned him to the wall. I had some difficulty finding his body and wasn't sure if my hit was successful. The problem was...I could not get the buzzing out of my head! I was for sure going crazy at this point, because I do not like to play games with men or mosquitos. I am frantically trying to detect the source of the noise, and eventually open the bedroom door and realize the humming is coming from some appliance...

By now it was very late, and I waved my white flag at the enemy and climbed back into bed. This time I put in my earplugs to drown out the sound of any attackers. This is much like the strategy I employ on my way to school in the morning. I put in my headphones and drown out the sound of the larger version of the Italian Super-man-bug that can be found at all hours of the day and night. If I don't hear you then you do not exist.

In the end I realized that I have to accept that I will take hits everyday. Whether it is in the streets or in my infested room, I will end up with either damaged skin or a damaged ego. By this point I can deal with some wounds, and it always feels good when I get to kill a bug every once in awhile.